A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the power of names in fairy tales. Names have always carried a special fascination for me, even since I was a little girl. I love learning what different names mean and what part of the world they come from. I adore picking out the perfect names for characters in my books. And I deeply relate to characters who fuss about the way their name is spelled. Anne with an E from Anne of Green Gables is basically my spirit animal.
But there’s another less pleasant reason why I care about names so much. The real reason I’m so obsessed with names is because I hate my own.
The Curse of the Common Name
For those of you who don’t know, my real name is Sara. Sara without an H, thank you very much. It’s not the worst name ever, not by a long shot. But I learned very young that it is one of the most common names on planet earth.
Widely considered both a traditional and a Biblical name, Sarah has been a go-to choice for baby girls pretty much forever. It was a top 10 name in the United States from 1978 to 2002, peaking in the 1980s. Even today, it still remains in the top 150 names for girls in the U. S. Thankfully I have the less common spelling of Sara. But even so, I’ve been surrounded by a sea of other girls named Sara(h) my entire life.
I was acutely aware of how dull my name was even from a young age. When I asked my parents why they named me this, they didn’t have an interesting story to tell. I hadn’t been named after an awesome Sara who’d done something daring. They just liked the name Sara.
At times I wondered if some kind of evil fairy had shown up at my birth and cast a spell on my parents to put this totally blah name into their heads. Because growing up as a Sara often felt like a curse.
Sharing Your Name with Thousands of People
I’m sure you think I’m being overdramatic, but here’s just a peek into what it’s like having a wildly common name:
1. There Are Always Multiples of You
In every job I’ve worked and class I’ve taken, there was always at least one other Sara(h). Or two or three. I think the record was six in a dance class I once took, but you get the picture. No matter where I go, there are always tons of me. This means my name has always included an initial, my full last name, or in the worst cases a number. Because who doesn’t dream of being part of a numbered set?
2. You’re Constantly Being Compared
One of the unfortunate side effects of being surrounded by people with your name is getting compared to other Sara(h)s. Nobody does this on purpose, but there is always an unspoken competition to see which Sara is friendlier, funnier, prettier, smarter, or generally more likeable. As a naturally shy, awkward person, I always lost in these pointless competitions and became the Sara that mostly got ignored.
3. You Become Unresponsive to Your Own Name
No matter where I am, people shout my name all the time. At the park, the grocery store, church, the mall, the airport, the women’s restroom—you name it. And 98% of the time they are not talking to me. As a result I’ve grown ridiculously unresponsive to my own name, even when the person calling out actually knows me. I apologize in advance.
4. You Get to Listen to Lots of Sara(h) Stories
Everyone knows about five Sara(h)s minimum. The moment you mention your name, people immediately start listing off all the Sara(h)s they know, quoting Sara(h) song lyrics, recounting weird stories about an unbalanced Sara(h) in their life, etc., etc. And they somehow think they are the only human being that’s ever done this with me before. And that I find these anecdotes interesting. A hint: you’re not. And I don’t.
5. Your Name Doesn’t Exactly Inspire Greatness
Being cursed with a boring name was particularly disheartening for me because I planned from age six to become an author. Meaning my name was destined to be on a book cover one day. Which meant that this name was an even worse problem for me than your average person with a dull name.
So Why Did I Never Change It?
For years I considered going by my still-classic-yet-less-used middle name, Elizabeth. I’d never met another Elizabeth in my school classes, and I always thought the name carried an old-world, sophisticated charm. But in the end I was too shy to assert this change with all the people who already knew me as Sara. Also my mother seemed personally offended when I mentioned I didn’t like the name she’d chosen for me. So changing my name never happened.
And really, even those of us who despise our names still don’t jump at the idea of completely changing our identity. Like I said, Sara isn’t the worst name ever. And it was and still is who I am. So instead of going through a tedious legal process, paying money, and going through the hassle of correcting everyone in my life, I just became obsessed with names in general.
Haunted By Names . . .
There’s nothing like a dull-as-dirt moniker to make you notice names everywhere. I kept a notebook full of names I heard and liked from the time I was tiny. I spent weeks searching for the perfect names for the protagonists I dreamed up. And I adored fairy tales in which names, titles, and hidden identities played a significant role.
But it wasn’t until I grew up that I learned just how significant names are in real life, not just in literature. People carry around a lot of associations with names. You probably still remember the name of that kid from second grade who cried on the playground and picked his nose. Or that effortlessly likeable coworker who wore J. Crew. Or that nosy neighbor who gossiped incessantly while smoking a pack a day. We all have an internal catalog of good and bad stories coupled with the names we know, even decades after you meet someone.
Names—and the memories that go with them—are a powerful thing in the human imagination. Believe it or not, a lot of interesting research exists surrounding names and the way they can impact the outcome of our lives.
The Power of Names IRL
Linguistics and your native language actually have a lot of influence over the way you interact with the world. They influence your cultural identity, personality, even the way you perceive abstract concepts like love, power, and time. I had heard this concept a long time ago, but I don’t think I really grasped it until I watched this mind-blowing TED Talk on the subject:
This unseen power of language also applies to names. Researchers have found a strong correlation between a person’s name and the type of occupation they choose as an adult. This concept is called nominative determinism. Humans are naturally attracted to anything that reminds us of ourselves, which is apparently the reason so many people named Dennis or Denise become dentists. And why people with last names like Limb and Payne are statistically likely to become doctors. Apparently this happens most commonly with men since women are more likely to change their last names when they get married. Kind of bizarre.
There’s also quite a bit of research on the power of speaking someone’s name out loud. Calling someone by their first name greatly influences how people act in social settings, management, the classroom, and even the courtroom. In fact, using someone’s name is a primary method to persuade people to like you and think the way that you think. This phenomenon is known as—wait for it—the Rumpelstiltskin Principle. Really.
To me, all of this is the power of names affecting us every single day.
My Love-Hate Relationship with My Own Name
You know, despite my annoyance with my moniker, the Rumpelstiltskin Principle works on me too. The sound of your name is said to be the most beautiful sound you can ever hear. I remember the distinct euphoria that flooded me in the early days of my courtship when Andy said my name out loud. I could practically feel the endorphins surging every single time. So I guess I do love to hear my name . . . even if I’ve never loved it to begin with.
And I have to admit that Sara is an objectively beautiful name. It’s become so blasted common because it sounds feminine and sweet, and it has a gorgeous meaning. Sara was originally a Hebrew name, and it means “princess.” How could you possibly go wrong with a name meaning like that?
Although my boring name is still a source of irritation, I no longer have plans to change it. I’ve certainly considered using a pen name when I do get published. But honestly? After all the work I’ve done to write my own book, I think I’d prefer to see my real name on that cover. ❧
