Our world was not built for introverts. I can personally attest to this, being a hardcore introvert myself. After decades of navigating common social pitfalls, I’m also a great source for introvert tips—especially on how to survive the hot months of the year.
Now I know what some of you are thinking: isn’t summer made for introverts? Warm, balmy afternoons of planting your favorite herbs in lush gardens? Solitary shady spots for introverts to sip iced tea and read in a peaceful hammock? Heavenly vacations from the hustle and bustle of life? It’s true, these are great summer activities for introverts . . .
But What About the Summer Frenzy?
Let me paint another picture for you. Because more often than not, summertime means overwhelming weekends filled with loud summer parties. Carnivals overflowing with flashing lights, irritating music, and screaming children. Company events at hectic waterparks and theme parks hours from home. Family reunions that involve camping and mosquitoes—or worse, hours of small talk with relatives who are practically strangers. Then there’s the days of travel in cramped vehicles or chaotic airports, all to go on vacations that are so overscheduled they require a second vacation to recover.
Worse still, our extroverted friends and family put pressure on us introverts to attend every single activity. Because who wouldn’t want to go to everything? Do you people just hate fun? (Cue my eyes rolling into the back of my head, never to return.)
Fear Not Though: I Have Some Introvert Tips
After thirty-four years of my own introvert experience, I have insights on how to turn this season into the oasis of peace that our introverted hearts desperately crave . . .
Tip #1: Prioritize the Summer Delights YOU Enjoy
To start out my introvert tips: you don’t have to go to everything. As you’re surveying all of your summer invites, choose the ones that actually sound fun. If you love to swim, plan on that pool party. If your friend’s birthday is an intimate gathering at a dreamy outdoor café, bump that engagement to the top of your list. On the flipside, if carnival rides and the smell of cotton candy make you sick, then don’t even blink twice at that company summer event.
All summer activities have one thing in common: they’re supposed to be fun. If an event sounds truly awful to you, then skip it! And if you’re obligated to attend that extended family reunion or your cousin’s wedding next to a pond that smells like dead fish . . . maybe buy yourself a cute outfit to wear or schedule a spa day to look forward to. I have some upcoming introvert tips to help you make these obligatory events less dreadful.
Tip #2: Always Plan an Escape Hatch
One of my favorite introverted practices is planning a potential escape. If an event is already pushing me out of my comfort zone, it helps to prepare for the worst case scenario. When attending big concerts or all-day festivals, I’ll drive myself rather than carpooling with friends. Not only does this give me some solitude while I travel, it also provides an escape if I hit a wall of exhaustion hours before everyone else wants to leave. But “escape hatches” don’t just refer to leaving an event. They can also be a way to take a breather. Something as small as a bathroom break at a wedding can be an escape hatch. Or retreating into the comfort of your phone for a 10-minute respite after an hour of conversation.
My favorite escape hatch is never attending big events alone. If I go to something with a crowd, taking my extroverted husband or a close friend gives me the comfort of familiarity to fall back on. Just the other day when I was in the middle of a loud, fun pool party, I took a break from all the splashing to sit with a circle of my lady friends to eat snacks and chat. It was exactly what I needed to retain my energy and go right back to swimming after my break.
Tip #3: Create Your Own Oasis in the Midst of Chaos
Of all my introvert tips, this one requires the most planning. But it’s SO worth it. If you’re truly dreading an event, brainstorm ways that you can make yourself more comfortable. High noise levels, suffocating crowds of sweaty bodies, and the beating sun are terrible ingredients for highly sensitive people to endure. In such situations, small luxuries like ice packs, ear plugs, this nifty neck fan, your favorite granola bar, and non-greasy sunscreen can save your energy from crashing. Before you leave the house, think through the things you might really want later and arrange a portable care package.
The longer your event, the more planning you should do. For example, if you’re flying across the country with the threat of pushy strangers, hours of delays, the stress of lost luggage, and crying babies, arm yourself with the essentials. Bring your favorite snacks and some mints. Fill your Kindle with books. Bring your favorite sweatshirt, a light-blocking eye mask, and soothing lotion to block out body odor and the smell of peanuts. And most importantly, pack some good headphones so you can listen to a calming playlist of Norah Jones, Colbie Caillat, and Frank Sinatra. That’s what I would listen to.
Tip #4: Practice the Two Days On, One Day Off Principle
I’m a firm believer that the perfectly balanced adult life is a myth that could rival the Easter Bunny. But! There is nothing wrong with acknowledging when you need a rest. It’s wonderful when you can balance a busy morning with a chill afternoon, but sometimes summer commitments require a whole day of energy. And when you have TWO busy days back to back, it’s time to give yourself a recovery day with zero plans. I call this the two days on, one day off principle.
Of all the introvert tips on this list, I am applying this one at this very moment. Andy and I are entertaining family from out of town this week, and after two days of activities and fun conversation, I gave myself permission to take a day off. Right now, Andy is touring with our family out in the beating sun and inside a crowded museum. Meanwhile, I am all alone today editing a project, reading, watering my plants, and exercising in the air-conditioned comfort of my house. Pure bliss.
Tip #5: Learn the Fine Art of Saying No
Let’s all say it together: N + O = NO. And this phrase is nonnegotiable. I personally don’t have a problem shutting down demands of why I’m saying no (ugh), but if standing your ground is a struggle for you, try one of these canned responses:
- Sorry, but I have to go. I’m late for an appointment.
- That sounds great, but I’m already booked that night. (Even if your plans are taking a nap, those are valid plans. Stand strong in the face of nosy people.)
- Sorry! Count on me next time.
- How fun! I wish I was free, but I’m not.
- Not today. Wish I could.
- Let me ask my brain minions again . . . Nah, they still say no.
It really is okay to bow out when you want to. In fact, I think it’s courteous to give yourself the rest you need to be fully present with your friends and family. Nobody wants to hang out with you when you’re dazed, hungry, and cranky. So do everyone—including yourself—a favor by bringing the best version of yourself to those summer events you say yes to.
So Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy This Summer
Prioritize what YOU want to do. Plan to your heart’s content and create that oasis of calm in chaotic situations. Give yourself plenty of days to rest, and feel zero—and I mean zero—guilt about saying no. Summer is supposed to be a time to recharge and enjoy everything good in life. So go ahead and embrace these introvert tips to fill your summer with all the things you’re hoping to experience—or not experience if you catch my drift. ❧
