February is a good time to think about relationships. How we can love our significant others better. And perhaps a time to open up the classics and read historical accounts of couples riding off into the sunset. There’s a lot to learn from fairy tale love. In honor of Valentine’s Day, let’s go on a literary tour of fairy tale courtship and all the—ahem—unusual twists and turns that bring fated lovers together.
In the spirit of the holiday, here are five undeniable relationship lessons we can glean from fairy tale love stories.
(Warning: In case it isn’t abundantly clear, these tips are meant to be tongue in cheek. I am not crazy enough to think ANY of this is advisable relationship advice in real life. We’re having fun here, people. Now back to our program . . . )
1. First Comes Lifelong Commitment, Then—Love?
Let’s get one thing straight: the whole love at first sight trope was invented by Disney. In the actual fairy tales . . . well, all those famous meet cutes were purely about infatuation, not true love. Fairy tales were written for a different era. Frankly, most couples that ended up married back in the day barely knew each other because their marriages were arranged. But the princely leading men of fairy tales are rich and powerful enough to pick their own brides—solely based on who they wanted to make some heirs with.
So yes, fairy tale dudes were about the same as dudes today: only looking for one thing. The big difference here is that royal men were willing to offer lifelong commitment and security in exchange for a pretty face. Does that really sound like a bad deal? If you’re prone to impulsive decisions when it comes to love, ladies, at least find yourself a man who’s willing to lock you down like a prince in a fairy tale. It could be worse.
2. A Great Dress Makes Up for a Multitude of Flaws
A pretty face is one thing, but if you’re covered in grime and enslaved to domestic servitude, you’re not going to have much luck in the love department. Thankfully a great many fairy tales feature balls, festivals, and royal gatherings to provide opportunities for meet cutes. And when you have fairy godmothers, magic trees, talking animal friends, or magical garments left to you by a loved one, you will never be caught with nothing to wear on your big night.
Every single version of Cinderella and other fairy tales like the Twelve Dancing Princesses feature girls snagging a happy ending by looking their best and seizing the day. Another common trope is a girl demanding a special item of clothing for a young suitor to prove his devotion, like in the Turkish tale “The Three Wonderful Dresses.” Call it shallow if you want. According to fairy tale love, one can never discount the importance of really great clothes to achieve marital bliss. Dress for success.
3. Sometimes You Have to Pass a Test—No Matter How Messed Up It May Be
Some forms of fairy tale love aren’t easily won at all. Instead the protagonist has to prove themselves truly worthy of a mate. These tests come in many different forms. Sometimes it requires nonjudgmental kindness. Other times you have to learn to love someone ugly or slimy if you’re in a tale like Beauty and the Beast or the Frog Prince. (Maybe that last one is a bad example since the princess hates the frog prince right up until the moment he turns into a human, but you know.)
Other tests lean a little more toward the bizarre. Like having your love sleep on a pile of mattresses to see if she can feel the pea underneath. Or demanding that your love sleep beside you in total darkness and never look at you at all in the case of Cupid and Psyche. Not a suspicious request at all . . . Or in the most sadistic example, the prince in The White Cat has to cut off his love interest’s head to break a spell. Whatever that was meant to teach him. In the end, all fairy tale heroes who wish to find love must accept a little mystery and imperfection. Whether that’s living with someone ugly or literally risking life and limb depends on which story you happen to be in.
4. A True Prince Is a Man Willing to Climb for You
Testing your future spouse with crazy emotional (or literal) obstacle courses is one thing. But what about the truly dashing specimen willing to scale isolated towers in the woods completely unprompted? Of course I’m referring to Rapunzel’s prince charming who climbs his sweetheart’s hair day after day while also avoiding her psychopathic witch mother. I mean, of all the fairy tale love stories with manly men in them, this one surely takes the cake for initiative that will make your knees buckle. Romeo himself climbed a balcony for his girl, and we all know what fairy tale he learned that from.
You get the idea. Men who are willing to stand up to your unimpressed parents, slay dragons, hack apart thorny briars, and go on harrowing quests to win a woman’s hand are certainly worth the prenup. Go for a man who’s willing to go the distance for you, ladies. If fairy tale love teaches us anything, it’s that guys who can’t hack it end up roasted alive in castle ruins, and guys who muscle through challenges get the girl. Even if they have to wander the world blind for a couple years to find her again. Rapunzel, you are a lucky girl.
5. Nothing Seals “Happily Ever After” Better than Destroying Your Nemesis Together
What’s that? You weren’t expecting violence to be part of this list? Au contraire. A shocking number of “romantic” fairy tales end with villains getting what was coming to them. Cinderella and Prince Charming’s wedding features her little bird companions pecking out her stepsisters’ eyes. Snow White and her prince watch the Evil Queen dance herself to death in red-hot shoes. An early version of Sleeping Beauty involves her evil mother-in-law dying a gruesome death, and Beauty and Beast turn her wicked sisters into stone to seal their wedding. There’s a lot of sweet revenge going on in these fairy tales to usher in the happy couple’s newly wedded bliss. I’m just saying.
So I guess the message is . . . don’t leave loose ends before your honeymoon? All’s fair in love and war? If you make a girl miserable while she’s single, make like a tree and leave before she makes you sorry on her wedding day? Any of these messages work for me.
Whoever Your Fairy Tale Love May Be, Love Them Hard This Month
Maybe fairy tale love stories are a little too messed up to be a source of actual advice, but they’ve still gained a reputation of romance, happy endings, and idyllic ballroom scenes. We can always turn to the modern versions for hopeful messages about instalove and true love’s kiss. Or you can take these five lessons as permission to don a gorgeous dress, watch your man slay some dragons, then off your worst enemies together. Either way, happy Valentine’s Day. ❧
