It’s valentines season! If you’re dating a writer this month—or married to one like my dearly beloved husband—you might be looking for ideas to let your special scribbling someone know how you truly feel. And for the record, there are A LOT of advantages to dating a writer.
When Writers Love, We Love Deeply
We’re some of the most entertaining people you’ll meet. That might sound like a stretch if you have a certain impression of introverts, but it’s true. We’re bursting with ideas. We have ten interesting topics to discuss at all times. And if you make a bold statement we vehemently disagree with, we will debate you with the same energy Medieval jousters employ to unhorse their opponents. Though not as violently as that particular image . . . usually.
Beyond our vibrant company, we also love fiercely. My husband, Andy, has told me that it can be hard to keep up with me in the romance department. I express my love aloud with the eloquence of a poet. My love letter game is STRONG. I am ridiculously creative when it comes to choosing gifts, and I am prepared to cuddle and listen all night long when needed.
But We Love Being Loved Too <3
Writers are incredibly appreciative people who notice the details and adore our loved ones’ acts of affection. We just love love! But I admit, our highly developed expectations of romance can be intimidating.
I assure you, if you’re dating a writer there are many, many ways to make us go weak at the knees with your thoughtfulness. If you’re looking for the perfect gift or romantic gesture to spoil the author of your eye, here are eleven ideas of how to express your love (many of which Andy has used successfully with me).
1. Buy Us Books
I know, I know this is the most obvious thing I could say—but really. BUY US BOOKS. If you’re thinking, “But . . . the writer I’m dating already has a to-be-read stack that rivals Mount Fuji.” Repeat after me: it does not matter. Writers always want need new books. And we will love you fervently for providing them. Bonus points for choosing something in the genre we’re currently obsessed with, whether that’s contemporary romance or edgy urban fantasy.
2. Pick Out a Soft, Cozy Gift
Writers and cats have a lot in common. We people watch all day long. We stare into space with our thoughts swirling intensely until someone startles us back to reality. And we love warm nests of softness. Presents like electric blankets, feather-soft sweatshirts, and cozy printed socks from our favorite fandoms are always appreciated. If you’re dating a writer, go for cozy and you won’t go wrong.
3. Give the Gift of Time
This might shock you, but writing is generally a writer’s favorite thing to do. And they have to sacrifice time with their significant other to get serious writing done. I remember warning Andy the first year I met him that he wouldn’t have a girlfriend the month of November because I write 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. Not only was he supportive of that, he went out of his way to give me that time!
You can also give your writer time to do what they love most. Plan a night when your beloved can work on her book while you’re reading, surfing the Internet, or completing a quiet task. Offer to make your own plans with friends on a convenient night when your writer wants to work. I have a writer friend whose husband rented an Airbnb for her to write for hours in total peace and quiet with no kids or responsibilities to distract her. Now THAT is love!
4. Take Us on an Experience
Writers may be creatures of the indoors, but we also thirst for new material to write about. This can create a lot of conflict in us. All we want to do is write, and yet we’re aware that we need to get out into the real world.
If you’re dating a writer, offer up a fascinating experience with yourself as the built-in adventure companion. Take your writer to a World War II exhibit or a tantalizing sculpture garden. Go to an international festival to taste foods and learn about a new culture. Go to see alpacas sheared and their fur spun and dyed right before your eyes. Something new and unexpected! Andy recently took me to an interactive art exhibit where we were surrounded by projections of Vincent van Gogh’s artwork. I was ENTHRALLED. Andy was slightly less entertained, but I felt so loved that he took me.
5. Offer to Read their Novel
Whoa, settle down, you commitment-phobes! Maybe you haven’t been dating this writer long enough to offer this yet . . . But nonetheless, this is the most thoughtful gift you could possibly give the writer you’re dating. So maybe consider it when you’re ready.
When that day comes, offer your reading services during a light week so you can start immediately and shower them with praise ASAP. Writers are used to giving their books to people and never hearing back, so you will dazzle your writer by giving them quick commentary. If you’re interested in providing some constructive insights, my guide on how to give feedback will help you give your beau the best experience possible.
6. Take Them to a Play
Anybody can take their date to a movie, but if you’re dating a writer, they will appreciate a live production in an actual theater so much more. Writers love storytelling, and they adore creative experiences that inspire them. Bonus points if you know what kind of project your writer is working on and manage to find a production set in a similar time-period or in the same genre.
Our first Valentine’s Day together, Andy surprised me with tickets to see Thoroughly Modern Millie. I vaguely knew that a theater in town was producing it, but I don’t even remember mentioning to him that it’s one of my favorite shows. Best valentine ever.
7. Give the Gift of Hydration
I can’t say if this is a truly universal writer trait, but most of the writers I know are obsessed with fancy drinks. If you’re dating a writer, do some sleuthing to figure out our beverage of choice, and you will have an instantly thoughtful gift idea. Would your writer like a smart water bottle to track their aqua intake? Or tickets to a wine-tasting? Or maybe a new exotic tea flavor?
Very early on in dating, Andy took me to a local hole-in-the-wall date spot to try a special variety of hot chocolate because he knew that was my beverage of choice. We barely knew each other, but my heart sang.
8. Purchase a Subscription to Something Writers Love
The options here are endless, so pick something tailored to your favorite writer:
- A cool subscription box for writers. There are a wide variety out there with bookish goodies and bookmarks, teas, writing prompts, cool pens, ink, or even a classic book every month.
- Magazine subscriptions. There are some lovely magazines out there written by great writers for writers, and they can be a nice change of pace from regular books and online articles.
- A subscription to Publisher’s Marketplace. This is a perfect choice for if you’re dating a writer who’s striving to get published and needs insider information on professional agents.
- Writing software can be a wildly practical gift for your writer. Even if it’s just an upgrade to the latest version of Microsoft Word.
Bonus Idea: GiftIdeasforWriters.com has countless articles and lists for the writers and book lovers in your life.
9. Shop for Writing Implements
Physically enabling your writer’s writing is wonderful too. Does your writer like fancy Moleskine notebooks or vintage journals? Would they like a swanky pen or a portable keyboard for their tablet? Perhaps a new bag for their laptop would work. Or a way for them to write down ideas that strike them in the shower. You could offer to help them rearrange their writing space or assemble the new shelf they picked out. This past Christmas, Andy gave me this heavenly seat cushion and lumbar pillow set for my writing desk. It has been a GAME-CHANGER.
10. Reduce Stress in your Writer’s Life
I’ve yet to meet a writer who doesn’t stress about the writing they wish they were doing while they’re completing adult tasks like housework. If you’re dating a writer and truly want to be their hero, figure out creative ways you can serve them.
Give their tight shoulders a massage. Encourage them to write a scene while you do the grocery shopping and cook dinner. Take annoying tasks like taxes, yard work, or deep cleaning off their plate so their mind can relax and stray into their imaginative world. The best gift one of my writer friends ever received from a loved one was a month’s-worth of frozen meal preps so she could be free from her most hated chore of cooking.
11. Share Your Love with Words
If you’re dating a writer, there’s something you need to know: writers can be very isolated, insecure people. Writing is an emotional career, and most writers have to climb mountains of self-doubt before they ever succeed professionally.
If you’re dating a writer, the most poignant and kind thing you could ever do is to look them in the eyes and say that you believe in them. Tell them that you support their dreams and that you know they will happen. I had heard these words from friends before, but when the man of my dreams said them . . . that was a whole new level.
Just know that if you’re dating a writer, the #1 thing they want to hear is that you support them. All the books in the world cannot replace those words of love. Although words of love AND new books is the best combination. ❧
