I have a confession to make: I am about as introverted as introverts come. This is certainly not a bad thing! Most days I’m very content with my natural personality, but it’s weeks like this one that being an introvert feels more like a curse than a blessing.
’Tis the Season to Be Panicked
December is generally the busiest month of the year. Like most women, I’m the primary figure of my household who makes Christmas magic happen.
In the past ten days alone, I hosted an old friend for dinner, drove forty-five minutes both ways to visit another friend’s new baby, celebrated four family birthdays, made my own husband’s birthday memorable, threw a Christmas cheese-tasting party, attended another dinner party, spearheaded a church effort to organize Christmas for local kids in need, wrapped forty presents, made neighbor gifts by hand AND delivered them—(gasps for breath)—and still did all the normal tasks of eating, showering, exercising, cleaning my house before each social engagement, and wondering repeatedly WHY DO I HATE MYSELF?
Needless to say, I am weary in my bones. While I was slumped on the couch debating what to blog about, my mind wandered to my experiences of being an introvert writer. The bad parts and also the really great parts. Because both exist.
Introvert (noun)
1. A person who feels more comfortable focusing on their internal thoughts and feelings rather than external events.
2. An individual who gains energy by being alone rather than being with other people.
3. A human whose greatest joy in life is cancelled plans.
First Off: Not All Writers Are Introverts
This fact might surprise you since the writer lifestyle is stereotypically introverted. Successful writers spend lots of time reading books, thinking by themselves, and typing alone for countless hours. But not everyone who writes is shy. I know at least three talented writers who are shamelessly extroverted.
I often wish I was one of those extroverted writers. In one-on-one conversations, people often assume I am an extrovert, but put me in a situation with four or more people and I will shrivel with exhaustion in half an hour or less. Guaranteed. High-energy events with strangers leave me feeling like a vampire bat latched onto my neck and sucked every drop of my blood away.
Honestly, there are parts of professional writing that I dread in the future because they just are not compatible with introversion. At all. Let me give you some examples.
5 Terrible Parts about Being an Introvert Writer
1. The Normal Stresses of Life Drain Me Pretty Quickly
There are two types of people in this world: sunflowers who can grow just about anywhere—and orchids who struggle to thrive even in the most ideal of greenhouses. I am one of those orchids, which means I have a limited supply of energy. I have to manage that energy carefully to avoid deep emotional exhaustion from week to week.
I’m married to an extrovert, and Andy and I have to balance our social calendar to give him time to soak in the excitement of people and me ample alone time to recharge. If I’m stressed out about an upcoming commitment, running low on sleep, or feeling sad about something in life, my threshold for socializing drops even lower. If it sinks too low, it can affect my ability to write. This will be a major problem someday when I start writing fiction on professional deadlines . . . but this is just a reality of being an introvert writer.
You might be an introvert if you were ready to go home before you left the house.
Criss Jami
2. Professional Networking Gives Me Heart Palpitations
While most writing happens alone, getting a book picked up unfortunately involves making connections. Skills like pitching your book in person and making a good impression with agents face to face can really help a writer break into the industry. However . . . I’ve had some EPIC networking fails in my time. I’m quite good at interviewing for jobs, but put me in any situation where I’m supposed to talk confidently about my book, and I will crumble 100% of the time.
At a writing conference years ago, I met an actual living, breathing agent who smiled at me and asked what my book was about. I panicked and started babbling, mostly about how extremely, super, crazy long my book was. Ms. Agent frowned. Then she lectured me about how badly I had flubbed that pitch. I honestly don’t remember anything she said, but the whole experience was the stuff of nightmares and therapy visits. When you’re naturally shy, networking is a fraught topic all around.
3. Social Media and I Do Not Mix Either
Along with networking, having a social media presence is wildly helpful for writers who are just starting out. I’ve mentioned before that getting personal on this blog is intensely uncomfortable for me because I’m an intensely private person. That isn’t a joke.
I easily spend thirty minutes crafting each social media post for Snow White Writes. And it’s genuinely sickening to click those paragraphs into existence. I dread missing typos. I pray that I don’t seem needy or annoying online. But the fact remains that social media is part of being a professional writer, and it’s just something I’m going to have to get used to. I enjoy positive attention as much as anyone, but the shallow, extremely public, and addictive nature of social media just makes me die a little inside when I use it. I’m certainly not the only introvert writer who feels this way.
4. My Ability to Catastrophize Is Powerful and Deadly
Like all writers, I have an overactive imagination. I can envision five ways any choice can go wrong in about seventeen seconds flat, which is just one of the downsides to being a generally anxious person with such a complicated inner world. This weakness of mine has been thrown into sharp, sharp relief in the past year as I’ve taken steps toward getting published.
I’m actively researching various agents, writing query letters, sending those query letters, and seeking out opportunities to sell my book. And with each step I take, it can be crippling to think too much about the “what ifs” of this process: how total strangers will perceive my writing and whether I look like a total poser to people who represent books for a living. I’ve struggled with negative thoughts my whole life, but I’ve gotten MILES better at telling myself positive stories instead. Still, with something this intimidating it takes a lot of energy not to expect the worst with every email I send out.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Stephen Hawking
5. I’m Dying to Be Noticed—But Also Terrified to Be Seen
Pursuing publishing has always been my biggest dream, but I sometimes wonder if I’m entirely ill-suited to be a public figure. I’m a decent public speaker, but I’m also pathologically afraid of standing in front of people. I’m shy and private to a fault. I keep my friend circle as small and intimate as possible. Traveling stresses me out, and I get dizzy when I think too much about my stories being plastered all over the internet for the least forgiving readership in existence—teenagers—to consume and criticize.
There are a lot of aspects of being an introvert that make a professional writing career feel impossible for me. Maybe even undesirable. But I can also attest that there are so many reasons why getting published has been my goal for as long as I can remember. And there are plenty of reasons why it’s the perfect career for me.
5 AWESOME Parts about Being an Introvert Writer
1. My Rich Inner Landscape Is My Superpower
Introverts live inside their heads in every imaginable way. I can attest that I think about writing and my stories every second my brain isn’t preoccupied—and even when it should be. My characters talk to each other while I style my hair. Plot twists hit me while I shower. Listening to random conversations makes me retreat inside my head to mentally write the perfect scene.
This is the definition of being an introvert. My mind was built to write. I’ve heard people ask in awe how writers come up with such incredible stories, and the truth is that real writers craft stories like other people breathe. Characters and plots and captivating descriptions follow us everywhere we go. And I know for a fact that doing this as a career is a perfect outlet for this wild imagination of mine. Sharing my stories with the world is an intimidating prospect—but I also can’t wait to do it.
You may think I’m small, but I have a universe inside my mind.
Yoko Ono
2. I Can Read a Room Better Than Most Humans Read Their Native Tongue
As a Meyers-Briggs INFJ personality, I’m an extremely intuitive person who feels others’ emotions. Introverts have naturally high emotional intelligence, which helps us soak in our surroundings, notice drama, feel when other people are sad, and read the truths between the lines that people don’t say out loud.
Being an introvert has always given me an interesting lens through which to watch and interact with the world. Even though I can’t handle big crowds for very long, I have a perfectly attuned brain to people watch as I drink in the world around me. Watching real people out in the wild is how I learned to execute realistic character development. Effortlessly understanding why people do the things they do is honestly one of the greatest joys of introversion.
3. I See Stories Everywhere
People who know me best know that I LOVE to talk. Way more than I like listening actually. But most acquaintances see me as a generally pleasant, quiet person who’s usually watching and listening to everyone else. Like Anne of Green Gables, there are so many things I want to say and don’t when I’m surrounded by too many strangers, but I think this trait leans to my advantage.
When you let other people talk and become a pair of eyes in a crowded room, you notice a lot of things that other people don’t. You see stories happening all around you and recognize literary inspiration that would pass you by if you were always talking. Being an introvert is all about the details. Being attentive enough to pick up on delicious irony when it happens and being thoughtful enough to make connections between reality and fiction. To be a constant observer is to be someone open to new ideas. I’m always taking notes in my mind and learning from others around me. This aspect of being an introvert is a huge reason why my writing has improved so fast in the past five years.
4. I’m a Magnet for Other Introverts—and They’re Usually Writers
I always joke around that if there’s another writer in the room, they will probably find me. In social situations, introverts recoil from the center of the action and sniff out other people who seem as quiet and uncomfortable as they are. And statistically . . . such people are often writers.
I’ve met some of the coolest writers I know by seeking out fellow shy people who the extroverts don’t notice. Truly, us introverts never take people for granted, and this trait has led me to some remarkable friends who I’m really glad to know. It’s pretty comical how often I’m drawn to total strangers who also happen to be working on a book, and the second we discover this common ground, the conversation just flows. Introverts may not be fans of crowds, but we sure do love a good conversation.
I don’t hate people. I just feel better when they are not around.
Charles Bukowski
5. Writing Recharges Me Rather Than Draining Me
This is definitely an area where extroverted writers are at a disadvantage. They can only write alone in a room for so long before their energy levels plummet and they have to seek out sunshine, company, and stimulation to get their creative juices flowing again. Me? I’m the complete opposite.
Three-hour writing sessions alone in my office are some of the most precious hours of my week. Instead of feeling squeezed dry afterwards, I’m often bouncing off the walls and so full of bubbly energy that I actually crave socialization, which is a BIG DEAL coming from me. If I write too late at night, sometimes it’s impossible to fall asleep afterwards because the high is so intoxicating. Writing really is my favorite thing to do, and my introversion perfectly equips me to do it well.
Bottom Line: Being an Introvert Has Its Challenges AND Its Joys
I wouldn’t trade my sparkly inner world for all the charisma on the planet. And I must say, I find it deeply satisfying that one of my favorite people to hang out with is myself, all alone with my beloved laptop and a mug of hot chocolate. That’s my favorite combination in December, and it’s these quiet, wintry nights when being an introvert truly is a blessing. ❧
